


Come Home

by orphan_account



Series: new children of the old god [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Domestic, Emotionally Repressed, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Found Families, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Plot, Slow Burn, Time Travel, almost canon compliant au?, background faranda, dirk is having an existential crisis, hopefully not as depressing as some of these tags make it sound, lowkey adhd dirk, reinterpretation (and probable slight fudging) of canon au?, todd is repressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-02-27 19:25:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A family emergency sends Todd to his parents' house. Dirk thinks it's a case.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic for this fandom, and first fic in general for... a long time. Hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Set post s2. Heads up for descriptions of anxiety attacks and, in later chapters, homophobia. Stay safe, friends.

Barely a month after the detective agency opened, Todd’s mother had a heart attack.  Barely a day after the news, Dirk responded in, quite possibly, the most annoying way. 

“I am merely reporting a call from the universe as I feel it. I'm telling you, this feels like a case!" said Dirk. He followed Todd as he searched the apartment.

“It really isn't,” said Todd. “She's just a 60 year old with diabetes." He dropped to his hands and knees to look under the couch. "And you're being a dick."

"Aha!" said Dirk. Todd jumped. "Found it!"

He turned to see Dirk holding the envelope proudly overhead. "Behind the microwave, which, really Todd, is no place for something so important. And - oh!" His face lit up as he pulled out the tickets inside. "They sent two! See? The universe wants me to come,” he said. He smiled as wide as ever, but there was something vulnerable in his eyes.

"Fine," he pointed a finger, "but you have to be on your best behaviour. No talking about weird shit to or around my parents."

Dirk's whole body puffed up, as if his happiness were a physical presence he had to contain. “Excellent. I’ll go pack.”

 ... 

"Your mother was discharged from hospital rather soon, wasn't she?" said Dirk. The sudden shift of focus was jarring; Dirk, for much of the ride from the airport, had been absorbed in taking in the area where Todd grew up, his eyes fixed intently out the taxi windows.  

"Um. Yeah. Or no. I don't know." Todd drummed his fingers on his knee. He realised he hadn't thought about it. "I guess they don't have a lot of money for ... uh. But I don't know. I don't know what the normal..." he waved a hand vaguely, "deal is." He couldn't quite get his gaze to settle in any one spot.

"I see." Dirk studied him. He seemed to be choosing his next words carefully. "You know, I really do think you are a good friend. A rather good person, too."

Todd flinched, but he didn't argue. Dirk gave praise like it was a responsibility, not an evaluation.

"Yeah. Not a werewolf, I know," he said, looking away when Dirk beamed at him. “Still don't think the band-aids count, though," he said: joking, but already bracing for Dirk's rebuttal.

Dirk titled his head. "Yes, well, I suppose they were pink." He wrinkled his nose at the last word.

Todd let out a surprised, slightly breathless laugh. "Oh, but pink is your colour," he teased, and his voice sounded strange in his ears. His stomach dropped. "I just mean - like when you - you stole that lady's coat at that concert, you looked - it suited you."

The pleased expression on Dirk's face had been replaced by one of deep surprise, which was itself giving way to a kind of guarded curiosity. His mouth parted slightly, as if he wanted to ask a question, but was unsure what it was. 

Todd shifted his gaze to the window, leaving Dirk to stare at the red tips of his ears.

 ...

Arriving at the house went about as well as Todd expected: he exchanged awkward hugs with his parents, dropped his luggage twice, and forgot all about Dirk until they'd made it inside.

"Oh! This is Dirk, by the way."

Uncharacteristically quiet so far, Dirk sprang to life as if the introduction were an on switch. "Hi! Todd's quite right - I am Dirk. Dirk Gently. So fantastic to meet you. Your home is lovely. You're looking very well, considering."

Todd winced. His mother took Dirk's outstretched hand slowly. "Nice to meet you, too, Dirk. I'm Laura, and this is Paul." Todd's dad waved. "Come sit down, you must be exhausted."

"Oh, I should think you must need - or rather, we should be, um-"

She put a stop to Dirk's panicked rambling with a raised hand. "I'm just fine. Come on," she said. Her tone was dismissive, but Todd could tell she was pleased by the concern. In the living room, his parents each took an armchair, leaving Todd and Dirk the couch.

"So, how's all ... all of it?" Todd asked. The couch was prone to sagging toward the middle, and he worried that he and Dirk were sitting too close together. Would it seem more or less strange if he moved over now?

"Oh, you know," his mother waved a hand. "We're just glad we didn't have to cancel your tickets this time," she said, the accusation unspoken, but clear in her tone.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, paused, and tried again, more firmly. "No, not this time." He held her gaze and forced a smile, hoping she would return it. She averted her eyes.

"Well, good. And you finally brought a friend! I am surprised."

Dirk put a hand on Todd's shoulder and squeezed. "Yes, well, I could hardly leave Todd to handle something so important alone."

On the way here, Todd had been afraid Dirk would disregard his warning and launch into a wild spiel about his reason for coming: the 'case', the interconnected universe, and his unique connection to it. Now that it was clear he would not, Todd was gripped by a completely different kind of fear. 

"That's - Dirk's a good friend," he said, impossibly awkward. His mother was still staring at his shoulder under Dirk's hand. He should have moved over.

Dirk, oblivious to Todd’s crisis, looked touched. “Thank you, Todd,” he said, and turned to his parents. “Todd is also an excellent friend. In fact, I was just telling him that on the way here!”

His mother’s expression remained wary, but her shoulders relaxed. Todd couldn’t quite get his to do the same.

"How wonderful. Paul," she said with forced cheer, "are you going to talk at all today?"

His father, who had clearly not been listening, jumped. He locked in on Todd once he recovered. "How long are you staying?"

"Well, I was thinking a week or two." Todd reminded himself to breathe low in his belly. "But if you need me to stay longer -"

His dad laughed: disbelieving and a little unkind.

"Amanda's coming tomorrow,” his mom said abruptly. "That'll be nice, won't it?"

"That's - " he said, and failed to grab hold of a coherent thought. 

"Todd has been making a lot of positive changes in his life recently," said Dirk. His voice was steady, if a little strained. "He's been rather brave." Todd's parents stared, and Dirk didn't look away. "Though you're both right to be angry."

"We're not - why would you," his mother said, cleared her throat, and smiled. "We're not angry, dear."

Dirk looked at her quizzically.

"I need to - um." Todd stood abruptly. "I need some air," he said, and made for the bathroom, collapsing against the sink.

He hadn’t wanted to look down, but the mirror confirmed his suspicions:heavy, braided rope coiled around his chest. He tried to remind himself it wasn't real. Or - what had Amanda said? Remember it is real? No, that wasn't right. He fumbled for his medication. His pockets were empty. Why did he run all the way in here?

He dropped to the floor, cradling his head in his hands. A feeling came over him: like white noise made tangible, manifesting physically in his limbs. It was insistent, until he could feel nothing else, and when it stopped, he was standing in the doorway, staring at himself on the floor. He had time to notice the rope around this other self's chest, and the absence of it around his own, before he was back on the floor, the rope just as crushing as before. He screamed.

 ...                                                                                 

His mother's voice, hushed, floated under the door of his childhood bedroom. "I thought you said he was doing well.”

"He is!" Dirk said, too loudly, before correcting his volume. "He is. He also now has pararibulitis. As well."

A lull for a moment, and then: "Are you... he hasn't asked you for any money for this, has he?"

Weak as he felt, it seemed Todd still had it in him to be engulfed by shame.

"What? No! Do you really think - did it look like he was performing?"

"No, no. Of course not." His mother sighed. "Come grab a cup of tea," she said, and Todd heard them retreat.

Being in his old bedroom felt strange. Despite his desire to hide from the world, he lay atop his bed with arms and legs folded, careful not to disturb the covers. His gaze landed where his phone sat on the nightstand. He wondered if he should call Farah.

If he was honest, he missed their time on the run. Or, no - missed the closeness they had. The closeness they had, and then almost ruined, and then saved. Or almost saved. There was still something strangely... out of sync between the two of them. He'd just picked up his phone when Dirk entered the room.

"Tea?" he asked, offering Todd a mug as he approached the bed. Todd took it silently and put his phone aside.

"So," Dirk began, with a typical degree of out of place excitement, "this case is unfolding more quickly than I expected."

Todd choked. "Seriously, Dirk? This, right now?"

"Of course this right now! You having an attack nigh on fifteen minutes after we arrive? It's a definite sign."

"A si -" Todd cut himself off, growling. "It's a sign that I hate it here." His tone was harsh. Dirk fell silent, and for a moment Todd thought he might actually drop the subject.

"Or," Dirk began carefully, and Todd groaned. "It's a sign that we're heading in the right direction. That's how the universe works, Todd."

Todd opened to his mouth remind him how often he claimed to have no idea the universe worked at all, but stopped when he saw his face. His usual intensity was mixed with something almost like sadness, his energy strangely focused and still.

"Well... what kind of - oh for god's sake, sit down," he said, tired of Dirk's awkward pose beside the bed. "What kind of case is this, then? Why are you here?"

Dirk sat beside him on the bed. "The universe wanted you here,” he said carefully. “I'm supposed to take people where they're supposed to go." He avoided Todd's gaze. "So I should be here, no?"

Todd thought Dirk's reasoning was a bit backwards, but that wasn't his main concern. He couldn't imagine a universe in which this was where he was supposed to be.

"Well, you'd know, I guess," he said.

Dirk hummed and stared ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time evening rolled around, Dirk had perked up considerably, though he made no effort to help Todd prepare dinner.

"I'm supervising," he said sweetly, elbows on the counter, face in hands. "I'm quite surprised you can cook, actually."

Todd snorted. "I can't. I'm making pasta."

Dirk gave him a blank smile.

"Pasta isn't cooking," Todd clarified, and was met with a baffled look.

"But you're using all sorts of .... pots, and ... things!" He motioned to where Todd was filling a single pot with water. "Look at you go!"

Todd burst into a laugh. "What?" He wondered when Dirk's ridiculousness had started to make him feel fond instead of annoyed. "Are you serious?"

Dirk’s expression turned guarded. "No, of course not." He waved a hand. "I was just joking. Didn't want to intimidate you with my worldliness,” he said, so different to the open, trusting man he'd been just moments before. Todd felt as if he'd accidentally dropped something precious.

"Really? Because even this is pretty advanced for me, " he tried, chuckling.

Dirk considered him, hands fiddling with the bottom of his tie. "I ... didn't get the chance to learn a lot of, I suppose, normal things when I was young. And when they let me - when I left, there were so many things I needed to learn. So many things I needed to learn that I needed to learn. Some things, well, fell by the wayside.”He stopped, searching Todd's expression.

Whatever Dirk was looking for, Todd didn’t trust his face to show it to him. He turned back to the sink. "Well, we can cross this one off today. Come here."

Dirk shuffled over, and Todd handed him the pot. "Put this on the stove, and add some salt."

"I fail to see how this is crossing anything off the list if it's not cooking," he argued, but Todd could see him smiling as he turned on the stove.

He remembered, suddenly, the woeful meal Dirk made in Todd's apartment in the early days of their friendship. Todd hadn't paid much attention at the time, but he imagined it now:Dirk in his kitchen, no clue what he was doing, but desperate to impress. Or maybe just seem normal. It made him ache a little. 

He crossed the kitchen to the pantry, grabbing a bag of dried penne, a jar of pasta sauce, and, on impulse, an onion. People were always putting onions in things, weren't they? 

“When the water boils, put this in,”he said, handing Dirk the bag of pasta, and, needing the counter behind him, touching his hip gently. 

“Oh! Sorry.” Dirk jumped and moved over, looking a little red.

Todd set about chopping the onion as silence fell over them. When he looked up to see what was keeping Dirk so quiet, he was greeted by the sight of him staring at the pot with the same intensity he might give to a particularly interesting clue. Todd laughed.

“You know what they say about a watched p- oh,” he began, and stopped, as the water started boil.

 ...

The next morning, Dirk emerged from their guest bedroom far too early, bursting into Todd’s room in his pyjamas.

“Good morning!” he said, and launched himself onto Todd’s bed.

Todd yelped, and clutched the covers. “Jesus, Dirk.” He tried to scowl as Dirk arranged himself on his front, propping his head up on both hands with a grin. He failed.

“So, today is off to a wonderful -” Dirk stretched the word out, “- start. First of all, your sister’s plane is landing in an hour, and I’m going to go pick her up.”

“You.. are?” Todd was definitely not awake enough to be following this conversation. “Why? In what?”

“Your mother’s car. I spoke to her last night and asked if Amanda needed a lift. She offered me her car,” Dirk announced proudly.

“Last night?” Todd sat up on his elbows, nervous. “Was she…” he began, but found the word ‘drunk’ got stuck under his tongue. “How did she seem?” 

Dirk tilted his head, considering, and Todd cut him off before he could reply. 

“Never mind. I’m sure it’s still fine. I mean - I’m sure it’s fine.” 

Dirk looked confused, and perhaps a little concerned. “I… yes, ok,” he said, and seemed at at a loss as to how to continue.

“So what else?” said Todd. “You said that was the first thing.”

Dirk gave him a blank look that broke into a smile. “Of course! The second thing, dear Todd, is that I have already found our first clue of the day.”He reached into the pocket on his pyjama top, unfolded a piece of paper,and passed it over.

Todd couldn’t help but give him a wry, fond smile. “Have you now.”

“I absolutely have. It was in the nightstand in the guest room.” 

Todd studied the paper, holding it toward the sunlight streaming in between the curtains.

_Dirk_

_01/05/18- > 10/01/18  
10/10/17 -> 01/05/18_

Save for Dirk’s name, it looked like any other note someone might jot down. Todd furrowed his brow. “I don’t get it.”

“Right?!” said Dirk. 

Todd rolled his eyes. “I guess it is weird. You’ve been here less than 24 hours.” The paper didn’t look new - it was worn in the creases like it had been folded and unfolded again and again. “Did anyone know you were coming here?”

“I told Farah, of course. But I only knew I was coming the day before yesterday.” He paused for a moment, and then slapped his forehead exaggeratedly. “Oh! That reminds me!” He rolled onto his back so he could reach into his pants pocket, pulled out his phone and threw it at Todd. “Farah’s on the phone!”

“What?” Todd fumbled to catch the phone. “This whole ti- hi Farah,” he said. Not only was Farah on the phone, but Dirk was FaceTiming her.

“Hi Todd,” she said, monotone and annoyed.“What’s up.”

Todd gave her a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I’m sure Dirk meant to get around to you faster.”

“Uh huh,” she said, and returned his smile.

“Farah -” Dirk interrupted, pushing his head against Todd’s to get in the frame, “did you leave me a cryptic and exciting message in Todd’s parents’ guest room?”

“I - no. I did not,” she said, clearly thrown, but recovering quickly. “Is that the clue you were talking about?”

“Yes! Todd,” Dirk said, turning his face toward him, “I was telling Farah about how interesting this case is becoming, and how we might need her assistance here after all.”

Todd looked between Dirk and the phone with wide eyes. “Uh.. well, we only have one guest room, but -”

“I have a hotel,” Farah cut in, clarifying Dirk’s poor explanation with a restrained and teasing smile. “I was already going to be in the area.”

“Oh,” he said, surprised, and more than a little confused. “Ok. Not that you’re not welcome here, obviously, just, right now -”

“Not really the time for your parents to start running a bed and breakfast? Don’t worry, Todd, I get it.”

Todd relaxed. Maybe they were finally back on the same wavelength after all.

“Ok. It’ll be good to see you,” he said, and she smiled softly.

“You too, Todd.”

When Todd hung up the phone, Dirk pocketed it and rolled off the bed. “Well, I’d best get a move on. Amanda does not strike me as the type who likes to be kept waiting.”

For an absurd second, Todd’s mind flashed with the image of Dirk bending down to press a kiss to his forehead. He did not, of course, and when he left, Todd wondered if the image had been an expectation or desire. He wasn’t sure he could make sense of either.

 ... 

Todd was almost finished cleaning his parents’ ensuite when Dirk returned with Amanda. As the indistinct chatter downstairs subsided, he heard Amanda’s footsteps approach.

“Hey there, idiot.” Amanda lent on the doorframe. She had been much friendlier since Wendamoor, but there was still something guarded in the way she regarded him. “Whatcha doing down there,” she said, tilting her head at him he scrubbed the floor.

Todd looked over his shoulder to smile before getting to his feet. “Hey. Where’s Dirk?” He hugged her, holding his soapy hands away from her back.

Amanda laughed. “Downstairs, still talking to mom and dad, if you can believe it.”

Todd could. He wasn’t sure his parents had taken much of a liking to Dirk, but that sort of thing had never scared him off before. “How was your trip?”

“Fine. Dirk’s driving is still terrifying,” she said. “For real though, what are you doing?”

Todd paused, thrown by the seriousness in her tone. “I’m… cleaning. Helping out.”

Amanda raised her eyebrows. “Up here by yourself.”

Todd felt distinctly like he was being led into a trap. He shrugged.

“Dirk says you made dinner last night. Then left mom and dad’s on the counter and disappeared upstairs.”

Todd threw his hands up. “I - okay?”

Amanda huffed. “Todd. What are you trying to achieve, coming here?”

“The same thing as you! I’m helping out!” He tried to keep his voice calm. “Mom’s sick.”

She pinned him with a stare. “Mom’s always sick. Try again.”

He groaned, and made a defeated gesture with his hands. “I owe them, Amanda. You know that.”

“Sure.” She folded her arms and shrugged one shoulder. “And what is it you owe them, exactly?” 

Todd stilled. “What?”

“What do you owe them? You’re working so hard to pay it back, I assume you know what it is.” Amanda waited as Todd gaped wordlessly. She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Okay,” she said, and turned to leave.

He reached out. “Amanda -” 

“Don’t,” she said, shrugging him off. “I thought - Farah said -”she stopped, sighed, and turned to give him a dull smile. “Forget it. Come help me pry Dirk away from mom and dad.”

Lost, Todd followed her downstairs.

 ... 

Farah, it turned out, was not far behind Amanda, and that evening saw them heading out to a small bar nearby to meet her.

The place had changed since Todd had last been there, but he remembered it. It was still dimly lit and poorly maintained, and the layout was similar enough that he could lead Dirk and Amanda to his favourite booth at the back.

“I’ll get the first round,” Amanda said, and left.

In the booth across from Todd, Dirk removed his jacket. He’d forgone his usual button up for a simple, soft t-shirt today, and all day, Todd had been trying not to stare. It was a perfectly normal outfit, he scolded himself, but something about it on Dirk was so unusual he couldn’t look away. He wondered, not for the first time, what Blackwing had done with the shirt Todd had given him.

“You know, I think I have another Mexican Funeral shirt lying around, if you want - if you need a replacement,” he offered, and lifted his gaze. Dirk was smiling, all teeth and eyebrows raised, and Todd could tell immediately that he’d noticed him staring. His face burned.

Thankfully, Amanda chose that moment to arrive with a jug of beer, and - more notably - Farah, who took a seat next to Dirk.

“So. Fill me in on the case so far,”said Farah, straight to business, but with a smile more broadthan Todd was used to seeing on her. Next to him, Amanda began pouring drinks.

“Well,” Dirk began, angling his body toward Farah, “to be honest, there wasn’t much to go on until this morning. Plenty of signs,” he said, as Todd mock-frowned and made a ‘so-so’ gesture, “but not an awful lot of actual clues.”

Farah nodded. “But now there are?”

“Yes! Well, one.” Dirk slid the mystery note across the table. Farah studied it for a moment.

“So you just found this in the guest room? Addressed to you?” She turned the paper over, checking the back. She looked to Todd. “And it definitely wasn’t either of your folks?”

Todd shook his head. He hadn’t asked, exactly, but it didn’t look like either of their handwriting.

Farah set the note down in the center of the table.A few moments of silence passed before Amanda spoke up.

“Okay, I guess I’ll be the one to say it then.” She clapped her hands together. “Time travel.”

More silence, until Dirk tilted his head to the side and said: “ Well -”

“Oh come on,” Amanda interrupted, “there are dates, and arrows, and arrows pointing between dates! And you guys time travel, like, all the time!” She lifted a hand to silence their protests. “One time. Whatever.” She crossed her arms and leant on the table. “Don’t pretend this isn’t obvious.”

Todd had to admit, it wasn’t a terrible theory.

“Things have been feeling a bit .. off, lately,” he said carefully. “Maybe… maybe something’s wrong with the … timeline, or whatever.”

Everyone turned to look at him. He shifted uncomfortably. “I mean-”

“Off how?” Dirk interrupted, his tone suddenly intense, gaze piercing.

“Just… I don’t know. Something feels…” he waved a hand “…bad?”

Farah and Amanda looked at each other with confusion, but Dirk stared at him intently. He’d gone pale. 

“But I mean, Dirk, what do you - you’d know more about that sort of-”

Dirk shook his head.

“No,” he said, taking the note in his hands and tracing the text with the tip of his thumb. “No, I think we’d best listen to your instincts on this one.” He paused, and ducked his head to hide a grimace.

“I don’t know what we’re supposed to do, but I believe I know what this means,” he said, and when he looked up, his eyes were wet and shining.


	3. Chapter 3

“I think I may have, once again, fallen into a trap of my own making,” said Dirk.

He directed the words at Todd, heavy with some meaning it seemed he was supposed to understand. Todd frowned, searching for a connection. 

“Like in the Patrick Spring case?” 

Dirk gave a quick nod, and begun tracing nervous circles on the tabletop. Farah furrowed her brow, and Amanda opened her mouth with a question, but Todd held up a hand to dissuade her. 

“Dirk, I know I reacted badly to…to what you did,but you know things were meant to happen that way. I belong -” he stopped, scrambling for words, “I mean, it’s obvious I should be in your life.” He drummed his fingers on the table, and hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Besides, you couldn’t have solved the case without me. So.” 

Dirk did not look comforted. “Yes, perhaps,”he said, his dismal expression turning inward.

“Besides, it was me, really,” Todd said, desperate. “I messed everything up by trying to fix things. If I hadn’t,” he paused, and realised, “I would never have been there at all.”

Dirk’s eyes snapped to his. “Ah, so you admit your involvement was a mistake?”

Todd balked, both at the sharpness of Dirk’s tone and at his own inability to argue. He hadn’t thought of it that way. It must have shown on his face, because Dirk took pity, his voice turning soft. 

“Todd, you may have initiated much of what happened that day, but I made sure it would happen again. Or, rather - in the first place. The universe sent Bart after me, after all.” 

“Hold on,” said Farah, who had been watching intently, trying to make sense of their conversation,“Bart - she was wrong about killing you. The universe punished her for trying.” 

“Possibly.” Dirk nodded his head, though it was clear he didn’t truly think so. “Or, perhaps, by the time she reached me, things had spun so far off track that it had to adapt. Eliminating me at that point would have caused a worse outcome than the alternative.”

Todd didn’t understand. “So what, you… backed the universe into a corner?”

“In a manner of speaking, I suppose.”

Amanda looked troubled. “But you were created to fix things.”

“Yes. As was Moloch. And yet, as he said, he created more problems.” 

Silence fell over them, heavy and tense, until Farah spoke up.

“So, this note…you think it’s - what - you breaking the universe again?”

“When they - ” Dirk said,“- when Blackwing captured me, I entertained the idea that it was my punishment for what I’d done. The price I had to pay to carve out a different, but… ultimately better path for myself.But then I got out, and nothing was better, not at all.” He shook his head. He looked lost. “I can’t imagine making that same mistake again.”

“But?” said Farah. Her voice was gentle. 

Dirk steadied himself, took the note from Farah, and slipped it into his jacket. “But -I think I may have to accept the possibility that I am not done learning my lesson.” 

Todd shook his head. “Ok, stop, we’re - we’re getting way ahead of ourselves. We don’t even know - it’s just dates!” He tried to reign in the manic edge to his voice. “I mean, if they’re instructions, they’re terrible!”

“Well,” said Amanda, “the first date is the day after tomorrow, right? So I think we’ll find out pretty fucking soon.” 

Todd stood. “I’ll get us another round.”

 ...

The street outside was quiet when they left.Amanda, being the only one close to sober, offered to drop Farah at her hotel. 

“Yeah,” said Todd, sage, if a little wobbly. “That’s a good idea.” 

Amanda and Farah were both smiling, and despite his worry about the evening’s events, it was contagious.He breathed in the night air, and let his shoulders relax as he exhaled. Dirk was leaning against the wall by the bar’s entrance, his face soft.

“We’ll walk,” said Todd. Dirk looked pleased, and Todd couldn’t stop smiling at him. 

“Um,” Amanda cast an uncomfortable, though rather amused, look between them. “Ok, then, bye.”She gave them a lazy two fingered salute, and left with Farah. Todd waved at their backs. Beside him, Dirk gave him an awkward, and slightly more clumsy than usual, pat on the shoulder.

“Sorry,” Todd said, realising he was still smiling blankly, “sorry.” He hooked an arm around Dirk’s neck.“Let’s go,” he said, and Dirk leaned into him, resting his head almost completely atop his.

“I think I might know how to fix it,” Dirk said, his voice small. “Didn’t tell you before, cause I’m selfish.”

Todd’s stomach twisted. “Not now,” he said. “Tell me tomorrow.”

 ...

Dirk’s idea, as Todd probably should have expected, turned out to be less of a ‘plan’, and more of a ‘vague and questionably sound notion’. 

“So,” said Dirk, pacing in Todd’s backyard, “you’re going to decide what to do.” 

Todd put his feet down, steadying himself where he sat on the tire swing. “That’s it?” Dirk had been dancing around this conversation all morning. “That can’t be it.” 

“Listen,” said Dirk. “You have to discern what the universe wants. Make sure I’m not… stepping out of line.” He stopped moving and faced Todd. “You’re not as ready as I would like, but I can’t trust myself, and we don’t have a lot of options.”

“What?” Todd said. “I’m not… I can’t do that kind of thing.” 

Dirk looked at him like he might be a bit dim, and - okay. He had thought about it. Quite a lot after the battle in Wendamoor. Maybe a little after his strange experience here. But. 

“I can’t do what Amanda does,” Todd said, “and I was in Wendamoor when -” 

“You may not be like her,” Dirk said,“but you are… something.You’ve had hunches, haven’t you?”

Todd scoffed. “If that’s what you call running around like an idiot, trying to be you, then sure.”

“Farah told me about some of that,” Dirk said, clearly wanting to smile, but, in service to the seriousness of his point, suppressing it,“but no, not that. Other things. During the Cardenas case, and last night.”

“Last -” he stopped. Was that what this was all about? He sagged in relief.“Dirk, those were just feelings,” he said, and smiled. “Everybody has feelings.”

“Did you, before?” said Dirk, and immediately snapped his mouth closed. “I mean, of course. But you’ve been more aware of yours recently. Since the pararibulitus. Or maybe -” he crossed his hands over and back, indicating ‘the other way around’. 

“I don’t think…” Todd said, frustrated, but unable to continue. He switched gears. “Why can’t Amanda help?” 

“I dare say she can. The Rowdy 3, too, if you and her are at all similar. But Amanda’s not… at the centre of this,” said Dirk. “Not the way you are.”

Todd wanted to argue: with Dirk’s strange conviction, with his insistence, with his own willingness to be pulled along by yet another impossible thread of logic. His mind, however, was stuck on the idea of a Dirk who had been carrying this worry around, all this time; one who dissected every new event for evidence that the life he’d made didn’t belong to him.

“Fine. I’ll… help, or whatever,” he said. 

Dirk brightened. “Good. Okay,” he said, and began gesturing emphatically, “first of all, we’re going to have to consider the possibility that I will resist. Are you proficient in any martial arts?”

 ...

Even the most tentative plan, of course, went completely awry. 

“Why am I letting you guys do this, again?” said Todd.

“We’re helping you,” Martin said, with a smile just this side of sinister, “unlock your potential. Now run.” 

The Rowdies, glued as they were to Amanda’s proverbial hip, had seemed to appear out of thin air when Dirk called a Secret Emergency Night Time Meeting in a park nearby - themain focus of which, so far, had been the Rowdies’ ambushing of Todd at random intervals, hoping to trigger an attack. Currently, they had achieved nothing more than a rapid heart rate (his), amusement (theirs), and screaming (both).Amanda, helpfully, suggested that they chase him instead. 

“I don’t know…” Todd said, backing away as they advanced. The park lights had long since switched off, and lit by only the flashlight on Farah’s phone, even Vogel looked terrifying. “Maybe you could just tell me a - a ghost story, or something?” They erupted into laugher, and most certainly did not stop. He stumbled backwards, bumping into what, after a moment of surprise, he identified as Dirk. 

“I think we should abandon this method,” Dirk said. His hands, having grasped Todd’s arms to prevent his fall, now held him against his chest. “It is clearly not useful. And,” he continued talking over howls of disagreement, “likely too late.”

Todd exhaled and let himself lean into Dirk. The Rowdies may not have been able to trigger an attack, but he was exhausted. Dirk’s yellow jacket, slung over his arm, pressed into Todd’s back until Dirk released his grip to offer it to him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking the jacket and stepping forward to put it on. “I’ll find another way to help.” 

“No, that… ” Dirk said, trailing off as Todd stepped back against him. He hesitated before resuming his previous grip, and in that split second pause, Todd saw the strangeness of his own actions. His face burned as Dirk continued, “it was never your responsibility.” 

“We should eat anyway,” said Vogel. “We’ve been working our asses off here!” 

“Yeah, no,” said Amanda, calling out from the park bench, and going back to whatever she was doing on her phone. 

Dirk, now standing with Todd’s head tucked under his chin, said, “Yes, well - good,” rather nervously as the Rowdies sulked. “Perhaps we should call it a night.” He dropped his head to mutter in Todd’s ear. “Unless you really want to try a ghost story,” he said, gentle and amused. 

“Yeah. I mean - no,” said Todd. He was stuck on the casual affection radiating from Dirk, and the inexplicable lump it was causing in his throat. When he blinked to make sure his eyes were still dry, his gaze landed on Farah. 

She was watching him a soft but peculiar look, one that gave him a feeling that seemed to be, simultaneously, terror she was seeing things in the wrong light, and overwhelming gratitude that, finally, someone was seeing them right.Next to her, Martin caught his eye and smiled. 

“Boo,” he said, and Todd, a familiar sensation swallowing him, disappeared. 

 


End file.
